I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
