the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
