running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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