My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
