sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
