i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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