At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
