He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
