Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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