zippers are such a cool invention
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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