So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
