Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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