It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
