Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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