I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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