I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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