it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
