I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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