They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
