They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
