It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
