....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
