Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
