the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Come on in and take your pants off
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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