My friends, they love my intelligence
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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