Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
