New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
