I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
