Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
