So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize