I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
