We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
