It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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