You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
