As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
