You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
