the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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