Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
time to smoke my breakfast
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is my gift to your gina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
