Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
