I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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