Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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