I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
