Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
