Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
