he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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