She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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