I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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