i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
