We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
