the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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