Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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