So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
