In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
