How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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