he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
