Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
