and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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