We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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