Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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