I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
