btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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