My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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