so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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