My girlfriend figured out who you are.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
