Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize