I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
