So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
