I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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