Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
