Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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