I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize