You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
