idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
