I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
